I took my new bride (is it still a new bride or groom after eight months? Maybe a better question would be…when are we not “new” bride and groom?) to Top Golf for our weekly date night. We had gone out once before and she had done extremely well for someone who had never swung a club before. In fact, it was amazing how she had maintained the grip, posture and swing through out. She consistently hit ball after ball with great contact down the middle. She was hooked and had a desire for more. In fact on Valentines she got me a Top Golf gift card…so I would take her to Top Golf again! LOL
A little background…I played collegiate golf for Sierra College for two years and then nearly seven years later I was recruited by William Jessup University to create a men’s golf program and be its first Men’s golf coach. I was hired in 2007 and coached until 2012 when I stepped down to pursue building an international business…but that’s a story for another e-newsletter.
As we were out this 2nd time it became a little more apparent to Lexi that golf is a game that is learned over time and no one person on the planet has simply picked up a “stick” and excelled at the game without much practice and dedication. She did not hit ball after ball down the middle this time (which is very normal – let’s face it, golf is the hardest game invented to master). She got frustrated. It seemed a lot more difficult and confounding this go-round. I had made some suggestions to her as she was hitting. She “tried” them, but once the “try” ended with a poor result it was quickly dropped with an, “it doesn’t feel right or I can’t do that, etc.” In that moment as I expressed my frustration (not very kind and understanding on my part), I understood more clearly when people would say that husbands shouldn’t give lessons to their wives. I get too focused on the lesson rather than just having fun; clueless to the fact that if she’s having fun, she’ll want to do it again with me. It would be better for both if a 3rd party professional was hired. One nugget of wisdom that came out of this experience (sadly, after the “discussion” of she wasn’t coachable wanting to do it her way, and I wasn’t very kind, nor very fun, etc. had calmed down) was the fact that we can be too much results driven rather than process driven. Lexi was judging her shot as good or bad based on the result of the golf ball rather than the process of learning a golf swing. I shared with her that the professionals who make millions of dollars do not hit every shot perfect or pure. Sadly, because of television which cuts from one player to the next, only showing the amazing shots, we are left thinking that the pro’s don’t miss, yet those of us that have played the game at a high level can certainly attest, “the game is a game of misses.”
Something hit me as I was trying to communicate to Lexi about the frustration she was experiencing. I realized that she was basing her success or failure of performance by what the little white golf ball did and not on what the process of her swing development was. I was looking at her swing, the mechanics – her grip, her stance, weight shift, etc. I told her that what the golf ball did at this stage did not matter, that she would have many more bad shots than good, and that was perfectly normal. What she needed to focus on were three things:
1) Believe what your coach is telling you. (true compliments/encouragement, “great swing, really good grip, great tempo on that one, etc.)
2) Do what the coach tells you to do even when it doesn’t feel good or right (how could a brand new golfer know what was right or wrong?).
3) Give yourself a break. Golf is hard and it takes time to be good. Be patient and enjoy the process.
Later that week Lexi and I were having a “discussion” and she let me know to stop looking at the result in the moment but rather to focus on “the process.” Before the sentence had finished I realized she was right and I was stopped in my tracks! No, not because she was right (she is right A LOT), but rather she had actually listened to her coach! 🙂
**Lexi and I met while attending Bridgeway Church in Roseville. Her beautiful red hair flowing down in a soft wavy cascade called to me from the row in front. We dated for a little over three years (yes I was scared, I had been married before and didn’t want to make a bad or wrong decision this time) and became engaged when I surprised her with a road trip to Lovers Point near Monterey on February 28th 2016. We were married June 22nd 2016. Having no kids prior, I now have three teenagers that I learn from daily!
March 3, 2012
To: California Attorney General
My name is Cari Southard and I am a Business Analyst of Escrow Services for a national title company. I have worked in the real estate industry in the Sacramento area for eleven years, six of those years working in escrow as an Escrow Assistant and Escrow Officer.
I met Matthew Stewart in 2003 through Bayside Church. We both attended the College and Career group where weekly bible studies were held in his home. We became friends and shared common interest due to our careers in the real estate industry.
In the time I have known Matthew, he has always been well known and respected. He is a man of understanding character and integrity. He leads by example and has a huge heart for helping others. He is honest, genuine, and sincere. Mathews positive attitude is infectious and one which is envied by many.
Working in the industry, I have many connections to realtors. Matthew was my first choice to represent me on my personal transaction out of the countless agents I know personally and had worked with professionally. He conducted himself in a professional manner and did a phenomenal job negotiation my short sale. He worked hard on my behalf and more than proved himself as the fantastic realtor I had always know him to be.
Matthew did such a wonderful job working for me, that I have referred him to many friends and coworkers over the years. Every one of them has come back to me singing his praises of what a wonderful job he did for them as well. Matthew had shared with me the DRE investigation that was taking place, and even with that knowledge, I was still comfortable and confident enough in him and who he is both personally and professionally to continue to refer him to trusted friends.
It would truly be a travesty to lose the services of Matthew Stewart’s real estate expertise in our community. We need more agents like him, who are willing to fight for the rights of consumers and will work hard with the best interest of their clients.
To Whom it May Concern:
Re: Matthew Stewart
My name is Craig Gandy and I am a resident of California for 55 years now. I have run a
business on behalf of Rogers Benefit Group in Rocklin, CA, for 26 years. I am the father of
4 children and the grandfather of 7. I have attended Bayside Church of Granite Bay for
over 10 years and am currently on the Board of Directors of College Golf Fellowship, a
national organization touching the lives of thousands of college students throughout the
I am also the assistant golf coach for William Jessup University, which is how I have come
to know Matthew Stewart.
I have had extensive personal contact with Matthew, and have found that he is hard
working, caring for the players, responsible for their physical and mental well being. He is
an excellent planner of events, responsible for a budget well into 5 figures. Matthew has
handled all of the above with high integrity and has never been found to have had
questionable transactions. He has comported himself with the utmost integrity and has
been found to be trustworthy.
lf you have any further questions regarding Matthew Stewart contact me at:
To whom it may concern,
I’ve have known Matthew Stewart for several years and have come to both respect and admire him as a person and professional. Mr. Stewart is one of the hardest working and dedicated Realtors I’ve seen. He spends hours and hours on the phone negotiating with lenders to reduce the loan amounts on his clients so that they can get out from under huge loans on properties that are worth 50% or sometimes less than what they purchased them for. Many of these negotiations carry on for over a year.
Matthew is very involved in his church and is the golf coach at the local William Jessup College. The time he contributes to these organizations comes without a financial gain, but he is dedicated to making a positive change in the lives of those around him.
With the financial and personal challenges Matthew has faced since I’ve known him, I continue to be impressed with his fortitude and resolve. Matthew does not live an extravagant or frivolous lifestyle. In fact, with this difficult real estate market, Matthew has been renting a room from a friend of his in order to get out of debt and get his financial house in order.
Thank you for taking the time to consider Matthew’s character.
Character Reference Letter for Matthew Stewart February 23, 2012
To Whom It May Concern:
It is with a heavy heart, but a willing spirit, that I write this character reference letter for Matthew Stewart. I have known Matthew for four-and-a-half years, first meeting him in late summer of 2007, when he was hired by William Jessup University to serve as the Men’s Golf coach. I have served as the Director of Admission at WJU since June of 2005, but overall, I have served in higher education since 1987. Over those 25 years, I have had the privilege of working with hundreds of university professionals, external professional constituents and parents of prospective students. This extensive perspective affords me an extra measure of discernment as I consider Matthew for this letter.
Reflecting back over the years, Matthew’s hiring was a good professional decision, which has proven to benefit University growth because of his ability to recruit and field a competitive team, while leading those young men not only athletically, but more importantly spiritually and academically. His hiring had an even more important personal impact, for me and for my wife. As valuable as his work has been, his personal characteristics have been equally important to me and for me: sincere, diligent, caring, faithful and encouraging.
As alluded to earlier, my heart is heavy, as I write this, because it is unfathomable to me that Matthew’s intentions, while servicing his Real Estate clients, were anything but earnest trying to do what was in their best interest, while remaining within the bounds set for appropriate real Estate dealings. In his defense, however, through talking with dozens of other sellers, buyers and real Estate Agents, it did seem as though those “bounds” were quite vague, perhaps due to the shifting instability of the economy, housing market and requirements for selling and buying. I am aware that those of us writing letters on behalf of Matthew are unlikely knowledgeable enough to speak to the ins-and-outs of Real Estate law and regulations, but as for treatment, clarification of process, and dedication to us, in our case a short-sale, Matthew seemed to work with diligence, sincerity, faithfulness, and care, while constantly remaining encouraging and transparent.
Therefore, it is without reservation that I write this letter for Matthew Stewart. I would implore you to resist personal agenda and consider the man who has no apparent professional history of malicious unethical intent, as well as his demonstrated integrity to make proper adjustments in process to remain aboveboard, while doing what is in the best interest of those he represents. All said, we look forward to working with Matthew again when we are prepared to buy, if and when our economy recovers.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
“People do not care how much you know, until they know how much you care.”